When You Are A Calming Influence in the Storm…

Life has been a trial lately. There have been sharp right turns off of the map into uncharted territory. There have been urgent matters, a loss, and emergencies in the lives of my greatest loves, my people, my humans. Crisis has sort of splashed itself all over this very young year. And it’s all very personal in a way that I couldn’t anticipate.

With these events, I realize that there are no accidents in life. Everything is meant to be as it is. And for some of my greatest loves in life, I have been able to use my professional skills and training to assist them in their times of need. I am grateful that I am able to help. I realize that I am the calm in the storm at times, or I am at least well-equipped to steer the boat into calmer waters. It’s a role that I am committed to playing, but I have to help myself with the same level of commitment.


Admittedly, I have crumbled, I have fallen apart a few times. I have been anxious and fatigued for months. I have overreacted to challenging stimuli. I have been a bit lost. I have literally fallen on my ass with legs flying out from underneath me. (Thank goodness for yoga or I would have broken my ass!)  Life will keep throwing things at you until you face the music. At least, that’s how it goes for me. Life can get really noisy and loud. And I need to turn the volume down. And I need to face the music. For me, it’s answering this question…What actions do I need to take to feel better?

To this end, I realize that I need to be writing. I realize that I have been resistant to writing because I have been afraid to let all off this emotion out. I’ve been trying to keep it all under wraps, and those wraps are failing. So I will be writing about it.

photo-broken-cup-iv.pngSo dear readers, I look to you to keep me accountable once again. Because my self-care cup has a crack, it’s leaking, and it barely gets filled. Time to change this. Time to commit to taking care of me in the same way that I will always take care of my greatest loves, my people, my humans, my community. Because I deserve the same level of care. And I’m the best person for the job. I can do this. I know how to do this. I must do this.

Stay tuned for an action plan. And if you too have a cracked, leaking cup…Let’s join forces so we can fill our cups with nourishing, delicious self-care together. Reach out to me!

As always dear readers, I wish you a bright and beautiful day. Much love, many hugs. Namaste. ❤

Finding Myself in the Fog

I’ve had an anxious morning that won’t subside. The morning is over and my goal is to get this anxiety to let go of me before it wastes the entire day. So I’m fishing through my mind, body, and soul to figure out what I can do to banish this unwanted emotional asshole.

I’ve been experiencing a lot of pain lately. Headaches are pretty bad and I can’t remember when I didn’t have some sort of a headache. It sucks. It just wears me down. I’m stuck in a thick fog and I feel vulnerable. Like dying animal vulnerable. Never a good place to operate from.

Too often lately, I’m so worn out by the time I go to bed that I sort of pass out. If Little Miss Toddler Girl sleeps (a crap shoot with the current cold she’s got) I sleep through the night. Unfortunately, I don’t really ever feel rested because the pain seems to be waiting for me when I wake up. And then the anxious feelings get going because living with pain is frustrating and anxiety-provoking in ways that I can’t even express at this time.

I’ve also felt stuck professionally lately. I have so many things that I want to accomplish and I just feel frozen. Too many avenues to explore. I need to review and prioritize the avenues that need to be explored, and eliminate avenues that don’t need to be explored right now. Or ever. And go from there.

Let’s see, what else. Marriage….My husband is really great at letting things go quickly. And I’m a processor. It takes time for me to come to a place of letting go. It’ll happen, but not in the time frame he understands or appreciates. We have many areas of common ground, but we also have marked differences. And those differences certainly challenge us at times. Through this challenge, I realize that I have to work toward a place of acceptance for myself as a person who needs time to process my feelings. And in accepting myself for being a processor, I hope my husband does too. Because I need and deserve that acceptance. I really do. I realize how damaging it is to just try to “let go” without actually dealing with the challenging emotions. I won’t do that to appease anyone, especially myself.

One more thought on letting go…it’s hard to let go when you’re experiencing physical and emotional symptoms that plague you all the damn time. But giving these painful symptoms a place to harbor and grow (like some nasty bacteria in a petri dish) is no good either. I know this intellectually, and with every fiber of my being. But it’s still not easy to manage along with everything else that needs to be managed. Sigh.

Some days hit you like a ton of bricks. And sometimes, it’s easier to let it. Yes, it will do damage and I’ll have to pay for that damage. But sometimes pain, anxiety, and fatigue win in ways they shouldn’t. And I’m hard-pressed to find the energy to fight today. I really am.

Okay – I’ve rummaged through the rubble…time to salvage this day. I will try my best to take care of myself. Starting with a toddler-assisted shower. And then I’ll apply some Healing Rose Extra Strength CBD Salve on my neck and shoulders.  And then perhaps I’ll do some toddler-assisted yoga. And then off to a toddler-assisted adventure to the store so I can stop ruminating about needing groceries. Perhaps Little Miss Toddler Girl will nap today and I will be able to sneak in a little meditation session then. I will also meet negative self-talk with positive affirmation. And I’ll start there and hope for the best. Wish me luck. I hope your day is starting off brighter than mine. ❤


Missing Tom

I woke up with Tom Petty on my mind, but not singing in my head. I miss him. Just knowing that he has left, that he finished his life makes me a little sad. Thankfully I can listen to him and the Heartbreakers and smile. Music is incredible medicine. This video features Howie Epstein – the Heartbreakers bassist from the early ’80’s till the late ’90’s or early 2000’s. He succumbed to heroin addiction in 2003. I remember Tom Petty saying in an interview that Howie’s loss was the Heartbreakers’ greatest tragedy. And sadly at this point, it looks like Tom has upstaged Howie. Sad face. But…I like to think that they are together now in rock and roll Heaven. And that brings the smile back to my face. ❤

Just Taking a Little Break…

Dear Readers…I will be taking up my daily writing and posting habit again soon. And I’ll also be leading a meditation challenge soon too. I’m just taking a little break and getting organized for the next step of development on this blog. Stay tuned. Have a wonderful weekend! Much love, many hugs! Namaste ❤

P.S. I’ve had a different Tom Petty song pop into my head every morning since he left this world. Runnin’ Down a Dream popped in this morning, but I heard this song on the radio and it has stayed with me for the rest of the day. This was the last time Stevie and Tom appeared on stage together. It’s amazing how much you can miss someone that you never even (technically) met, but have known your entire life. #MusicHeals #HeavenIsARockinPlace #HeartbrokenOverAHeartbreaker