I wish I could report that I slept well and that I am feeling good today. But I’m not. It’s the furthest thing from the truth at this moment. I woke up feeling like I was dying again. Panic bit me in the face. And the walls came crashing in as I self-destructed through this Saturday morning. I will attempt to salvage the day. But I am angry. I am angry that this bitch called PMS just shows up every month. PMS is a wrecking ball. It destroys feelings of wellness, disrupts plans that are working, and creates serious disharmony in my marriage. I hate it. I don’t readily hate anything. But I hate PMS. I especially hate that it’s just something that women go through. Every. Damn. Month. And I hate that men have absolutely no clue what this feels like. Nope. Women suffering from this on the regular just get painted with the irrational psycho brush. It’s not fair. This syndrome takes so much from me every month, and it takes prisoners too. I hate it. I don’t want to suffer and I try to be mindful every month. But here it is again. The suck of PMS.
Dear readers, I wish I had more positive vibes to send out today. I have to focus on reducing my anxiety, and facing the anger. I’m sifting through my toolbox to figure out how I will help myself. I will try my best to feel better. But right now…I am lost in my own disharmony. I hope that your day is starting off better than mine. I wish you well always. Wish me luck!
My Mental House – Plans & Goals for Healing from Depression
Goal — To Gain Clarity
Plan — Meditate for at least 10 minutes daily, eventually expanding on the amount of time a couple minutes per day, with 20 minutes of daily meditation being the target sit time. I meditate on most days for anywhere between 5-20 minutes. Meditation helps me to set positive intentions for the day. On the most difficult days, I’ve noted that meditation really helps me to work through my symptoms. I depend on deep breathing to bring me back to the present when depression knocks me into the past, or anxiety flings me into worrying about the future.
More Plans — Go to bed and get up at the same time every day. Lights out by 10pm and wake up at 7am would be a good starting point for me. Lights have typically been out between 10-11pm. Waking happens between 7-8am. I’ve been sleeping well consistently for a couple weeks. This schedule has really been working out for me.
Goal — To Reduce and Prevent Insomnia
Plan – No electronic devices before meditation/yoga practice in the morning. Never. My phone and tablet aren’t even allowed in the bedroom. This is so important for me to have a fresh start daily. No electronic devices for at least one hour before bedtime.Yeah…Gotta get better about this!!!
Plan – Read more books instead of staring at electronic devices, especially at night READ BOOKS, NOT ELECTRONICS!!! Definitely need to implement this plan. I NEED A NOVEL!!! Or a memoir!!! Suggestions welcome!!!
Goal — To Relieve Depressed Mood, Anxiety Symptoms, and Relieve Pain
Plan — Move!!!! Yoga, Swim, Walk – DO ONE OF THESE ACTIVITIES DAILY – Moving daily helps me to be grounded and present.
Yoga — Attend at least 2 classes a week, practice most days of the week for a minimum of 15 minutes a day. Practice in the morning after waking. May precede meditation. I’ve been attending aerial yoga, heated vinyasa classes – sometimes 3 times a week. My mind and body and yoga practice have been invigorated by these classes!
Swim — 10–20 laps Happens 1-2x per week
Walk — Just get out and walk. Happens 2-3x per week
More Plans — Medicate with cannabis as needed.
- 1-3 inhales from a vaporizer with a CBD-rich strain first thing in the morning if panic/anxiety/pain not relieved by self care bodywork is on board – Will be trying Mary’s Nutritionals CBD Products for relief of these symptoms
- 2–3 inhales from a vaporizer with an indica-dominant strain by 7:30pm to reduce tension and promote sleep. Dakini Kush is an indica dominant strain that I’ve been using nightly. I’ve been sleeping well through the night for a couple weeks. Thank goodness!
Goal — To Nourish My Body To Heal Up From Depression, Anxiety, and Panic
28 Days of Clean Eating inspired meals – Love this book, need to focus on implementing this plan. It’s too easy to fall into cooking ruts!