Did you know that anxiety has habits? It does. When anxiety is on board, it causes us to behave in ways that we wouldn’t otherwise. And it can turn these behaviors into habits. For example, I have spent many days waking up in panic mode. Which I usually quell by breathing and just getting busy with my day. Panic reduces to anxiety after that, and I move on with my day. Except, I don’t move on with my day with anxiety on board. Anxiety usually decides to pull out the smart phone and get sucked into said smart phone. Emails, messages, Facehole. Anxiety thinks that it will fool me into believing that I accomplished anything if I spend hours distracted by a glowing box. Or by multi-tasking, which looks like a bunch of tasks getting half finished, nothing ever really completed. All too often, anxiety will procrastinate on getting everything finished. Eating breakfast. Making the bed. Folding the laundry. Paying bills. Functioning. Anxiety is a master procrastinator.
Before I know it, anxiety has swallowed an entire morning and early afternoon. And then, anxiety gets bigger. (Gasp! I got absolutely NOTHING accomplished!) But at this point, I can usually muster up the energy to leave the house and do something with Little Miss Toddler Girl. Being a Mama is a sometimes a saving grace in my experience with anxiety. Being a Mama makes tell anxiety to take a walk, so that I can take my daughter for a walk, or go swim at the pool, or have some fun at the park. Being a Mama has helped me realize the mental shift I need to stare anxiety down and to go away. Yesterday it happened for the first time in this current episode of mental un-wellness. Only, I didn’t make anxiety go away for my daughter’s sake.
I did it for me.
Yesterday, I broke my habit of anxiety. I woke up anxious and foggy and a bit off kilter. And I said NO. I said not today anxiety. NOT TODAY. I got myself and Little Miss Toddler Girl dressed. I got us both fed a little breakfast. I dropped Little Miss Toddler Girl off at school. And I headed to my first aerial yoga class. And after class, I planted myself inside a beautiful little cafe and wrote for the rest of the day until it was time to pick Little Miss Toddler Girl up.
Today, I am proud to say that I did the same. We did not have a restful night and I woke up with anxiety staring me in the face, per usual. But I told anxiety to take a hike. A long one. I got up, got dressed, got Little Miss Toddler Girl into her bathing suit after she fell out of bed (how’s that for a start to the day!), got us fed, did a favor for a dear friend, and met another dear friend with her kiddos at a beautiful lake for a couple hours.
Two days in a row I told anxiety to find somewhere else to go. It can’t stay here any longer. I’m aware of the habits and I’m committed to breaking them. I’m going for three tomorrow. Progress. This is progress. I am grateful.
As always dear readers, thank you for being here. You have helped me so much by being here. I am grateful for you. Much love. Namaste. <3
My Mental House – Plans & Goals for Healing from Depression
Goal — To Gain Clarity
Plan — Meditate for at least 10 minutes daily, eventually expanding on the amount of time a couple minutes per day, with 20 minutes of daily meditation being the target sit time.
More Plans — Go to bed and get up at the same time every day. Lights out by 10pm and wake up at 7am would be a good starting point for me.
Goal — To Reduce and Prevent Insomnia
Plan – No electronic devices before meditation/yoga practice in the morning. No electronic devices for at least one hour before bedtime. DEFINITELY NEED TO IMPLEMENT THIS PLAN!!! I’ll be in bed by 9pm tonight.
Plan – Read more books instead of staring at electronic devices, especially at night READ BOOKS, NOT ELECTRONICS!!!
Goal — To Relieve Depressed Mood, Anxiety Symptoms, and Relieve Pain
Plan — Move!!!! Yoga, Swim, Walk – AERIAL YOGA ROCKS!!!!
Yoga — Attend at least 2 classes a week, practice most days of the week for a minimum of 15 minutes a day. Practice in the morning after waking. May precede meditation.
Swim — 10–20 laps
Walk — Just get out and walk.
More Plans — Medicate with cannabis as needed.
- 1-3 inhales from a vaporizer with a CBD-rich strain first thing in the morning if panic/anxiety/pain not relieved by self care bodywork is on board
- 2–3 inhales from a vaporizer with an indica-dominant strain by 7:30pm to reduce tension and promote sleep. I feel a cannabis holiday on the horizon. Perhaps for 3 days, perhaps for longer. CBD products should arrive soon.
Goal — To Nourish My Body To Heal Up From Depression, Anxiety, and Panic
28 Days of Clean Eating inspired meals – Gotta pull a recipe for tonight’s supper – Mmmm Peanut Noodles sounds good!