Day 15: Bumps in the Road

Depression and anxiety are very destructive to relationships. Both are monsters in their own rights. Both take the affected person away from the present. Both cause harm to innocent bystanders and people with good intentions who are trying to help the affected person. It’s a tough place to be stuck. It’s a place that I wish I could run from, but running is a trick. This is a road with a dead end and a cul-de-sac that rotates back to problems that only grow when not dealt with directly. It only leads back to bigger, meaner cases of depression and anxiety.

I started this project to keep myself accountable in this healing process. It is a process. I feel that I’ve relapsed this week. And everything is just too much to deal with. This is the suck of depression. Everything becomes difficult. Every. Damn. Thing.

This week, depression and anxiety have impacted my marriage negatively. And it sucks. It gives me heart palpitations when I feel disconnected from my husband, my best friend in life. My heart literally tries to break! I know we’ll both learn from this, and grow, and we’ll work through these challenges. But caught in the suck of it is always really hard. It hurts deeply. Hurts that neither of us need. Our plates are full enough. We need more fun, not more hurts.

So in summary, this week has been about hair loss, and hormonal shifts, and insomnia, and anxiety attacks, and panic, and emotional disconnect from my partner in life. This week has been consumed by depression. And I let it happen. But then, depression has a way of stealing the present right out from underneath the affected person. The bastard was successful this week. It’s stolen my calm, my peace, my right to be here in the present. What a shitty week. I have to get through this. I have to for the sake of my health, and for my marriage. Onward and upward. But say a prayer and send healing energy my way if you have a chance. I could certainly use it.

I’m putting one foot in front of the other and hoping that I don’t take ten steps back. This is healing from depression. One baby step at a time. Have a good day dear readers. I promise that I will do my very best to do the same. ❤


My Mental House – Plans & Goals for Healing from Depression

Goal — To Gain Clarity

Plan — Meditate for at least 10 minutes daily, eventually expanding on the amount of time a couple minutes per day, with 20 minutes of daily meditation being the target sit time.  

More Plans — Go to bed and get up at the same time every day. Lights out by 10pm and wake up at 7am would be a good starting point for me. 

Goal — To Reduce and Prevent Insomnia

Plan – No electronic devices before meditation/yoga practice in the morning. No electronic devices for at least one hour before bedtime. DEFINITELY NEED TO IMPLEMENT THIS PLAN!!! I’ll be in bed by 9pm tonight. 

Plan – Read more books instead of staring at electronic devices, especially at night READ BOOKS, NOT ELECTRONICS!!! 

Goal — To Relieve Depressed Mood, Anxiety Symptoms, and Relieve Pain

Plan — Move!!!! Yoga, Swim, Walk – DO ONE OF THESE ACTIVITIES DAILY

Yoga — Attend at least 2 classes a week, practice most days of the week for a minimum of 15 minutes a day. Practice in the morning after waking. May precede meditation. 

Swim — 10–20 laps

Walk — Just get out and walk. 

More Plans — Medicate with cannabis as needed.

  • 1-3 inhales from a vaporizer with a CBD-rich strain first thing in the morning if panic/anxiety/pain not relieved by self care bodywork is on board
  • 2–3 inhales from a vaporizer with an indica-dominant strain by 7:30pm to reduce tension and promote sleep. I feel a cannabis holiday on the horizon. Perhaps for 3 days, perhaps for longer. 

Goal — To Nourish My Body To Heal Up From Depression, Anxiety, and Panic

Plan – In the morning — Smoothie (I have a kefir, kombucha, Vega Protein Powder, and Amazing Grass Superfood smoothie every morning.)

28 Days of Clean Eating inspired meals – Leftovers for lunch, and gotta pick a recipe for dinner tonight. 

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