Day 14: Falling Down, Dusting Off

Yesterday was a very difficult day full of emotional upheaval and anxiety. I was coming to the end of my period, which has left me without any energy after 7-8 days of menstruating. Fatigue leads to anxiety, brain fog, and immense sadness. Anxiety leads to depression. And in the morning, panic is the problem that stares me in the face after a night of broken sleep. (I would’ve slept through the night as I was exhausted, but Little Miss Toddler Girl has a little cold with some congestion. She was restless last night, which means this Mama didn’t get the rest she needed.)

I’m frustrated this morning. I let a few tears roll, but I can’t have two bad days in a row. So I’m determined to dust myself off and move forward without giving much credence to the miserable feelings that encompassed yesterday. Being present is the goal today. I got through my yoga practice this morning – Little Miss Toddler Girl assisted by lying down on the mat, or popping up into downward facing dog, or using me as a jungle gym. It wasn’t the practice I had hoped to have, but it was a practice.

And then meditation happened with the songs and sounds of Moana filling the silence that I craved this morning. p_moana_digitalhd_b1af905cMom Life. These practices were finished, and modified accordingly to maintain the peace in my household. And folks, sometimes when you have a 2.5 year old, peace is LOUD.

I scheduled an appointment to see my primary care doctor today. I will request lab work to check for iron deficiency/anemia, to check my thyroid function, and to check my adrenal function. I need some answers as to what is happening with my hormones. Why I can’t seem to get off this hamster wheel. I feel blessed that I had nearly two weeks without symptoms, but my symptoms are back with a vengeance and I need answers. Dear readers, I will let you know how this goes.

I did start to dig into 28 Days of Clean Eating – finally. I’ve decided that I will be implementing recipes from this book to spruce up our nutrition, but following the menus and recipes to a T is not gonna happen at this time. This is a sanity-saving decision. To this end, I gain a lot of inspiration from recipes and there are many dog-eared pages that I will turn to when I need some inspiration to pull a healthy meal together, but I honestly dislike following recipes to the letter. Behold mini quiches inspired by the Mini Spinach, Pepper, and Cheese Quiches recipe on page 107. My mini quiches had spinach, tomato, onion, minced garlic, butter, and Parmesan cheese. They were so yummy. Paired with some sourdough bread from Nashoba Brook Bakery, this comforting meal was exactly what I needed after a long day of mental and emotional anguish. I’m happy to add it to my repertoire of delicious, nutrient dense meals. Tonight’s meal will also be 28 Days of Clean Eating inspired.

As always dear readers, I hope you have a beautiful day. And if you are in a similar boat, I hope that you are successful in chasing your own storm clouds away. Healing is a process, it does not happen overnight. I am writing this for me more than anything else, but I hope this notion helps you too. <3

My Mental House – Plans & Goals for Healing from Depression

Goal — To Gain Clarity

Plan — Meditate for at least 10 minutes daily, eventually expanding on the amount of time a couple minutes per day, with 20 minutes of daily meditation being the target sit time.  

More Plans — Go to bed and get up at the same time every day. Lights out by 10pm and wake up at 7am would be a good starting point for me. 

Goal — To Reduce and Prevent Insomnia

Plan – No electronic devices before meditation/yoga practice in the morning. No electronic devices for at least one hour before bedtime. DEFINITELY NEED TO IMPLEMENT THIS PLAN!!! I’ll be in bed by 9pm tonight. 

Plan – Read more books instead of staring at electronic devices, especially at night READ BOOKS, NOT ELECTRONICS!!! 

Goal — To Relieve Depressed Mood, Anxiety Symptoms, and Relieve Pain

Plan — Move!!!! Yoga, Swim, Walk – DO ONE OF THESE ACTIVITIES DAILY

Yoga — Attend at least 2 classes a week, practice most days of the week for a minimum of 15 minutes a day. Practice in the morning after waking. May precede meditation. 

Swim — 10–20 laps

Walk — Just get out and walk. 

More Plans — Medicate with cannabis as needed.

  • 1-3 inhales from a vaporizer with a CBD-rich strain first thing in the morning if panic/anxiety/pain not relieved by self care bodywork is on board
  • 2–3 inhales from a vaporizer with an indica-dominant strain by 7:30pm to reduce tension and promote sleep. I feel a cannabis holiday on the horizon. Perhaps for 3 days, perhaps for longer. 

Goal — To Nourish My Body To Heal Up From Depression, Anxiety, and Panic

Plan – In the morning — Smoothie (I have a kefir, kombucha, Vega Protein Powder, and Amazing Grass Superfood smoothie every morning.)

28 Days of Clean Eating inspired meals – leftovers mini quiches for lunch. 

Tonight’s inspired meal – IMG_20170727_091553



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