We did it! Last night after going toe to toe with a very cranky, overtired Little Miss Toddler Girl who didn’t have a nap yesterday – we were able to settle into bed at around 9pm-ish. I even enjoyed reading a couple pages from the book I’ve been reading all summer long- Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert – author of Eat Pray Love. And I think we were sleeping shortly after. I was up before 7am after a decent night of rest. I practiced yoga for about 20 minutes, and meditated this morning for about 10 minutes. As I sit here, I feel energized and excited about my day. I will be appearing on a public access show – Exposure with Mosher – to discuss Mompreneurship and Mommy Empowerment. And I will also be enjoying the rockin’ sounds of Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers tonight!!! It’s gonna be a damn good day!!!
Okay…back to yesterday’s happenings. I did medicate with cannabis several times yesterday to manage a tension headache, and to promote sleep in the evening. To manage the headache, I had 3 inhales from Nebula II – a CBD rich strain. It worked wonders and allowed me to swim at the gym yesterday afternoon. And last night, I had 5 total inhales from Dakini Kush – an indica-dominant strain – 3 inhales at around 7:30pm and 2 more inhales at just about 9pm. I slept like my husband. Deeply, peacefully. Anyone who has ever said they slept like a baby, has not actually slept with a baby! Up every 2-3 hours, looking for more food, or yelling because their diaper is dirty. Babies are not good yardsticks to measure sleep by! Those buggers are up quite a bit throughout the night. Even Little Miss Toddler Girl still has an occasional night waking! So yeah…I slept like my husband who sleeps remarkably well. He is rarely challenged in the sleep department. I strive to sleep like him!
So now that we’re caught up, I’d like to state for the record that I am very grateful. Grateful to everyone who has reached out, who has expressed love and support and advice in my time of need. Your outpouring of kindness has helped me stay motivated to continue my healing path. Words cannot adequately express my gratitude for all of you and your encouragement.
That being said, I do want to mention one thing that has floated up for me recently. I’ve had people reach out to say that I’m brave for putting my struggles out there. That I’m brave for discussing my own battles with depression in blog form. And though I appreciate these kind messages, I’ve found myself at odds with being called brave. Here’s why – I started writing about my experience with depression to save myself. I utilized the blog medium to reach out to my community because I truly know that it is my community that will support and guide me in these efforts to heal. And my community has delivered! (Thank you, thank you, thank you!)
But there’s a sad side to this – Unfortunately we have this stigma surrounding mental illness that prevents people from reaching out to their communities for the support and guidance they so need and deserve. The stigma PREVENTS PEOPLE FROM GETTING HELP!!! Therefore, it takes a show of strength to work past this barrier and ask for help. It takes an act of bravery. And the fact that it takes an act of bravery to ask for help through mental illness makes me sad and concerned for others who suffer with these problems too. I know so many people who are stuck. And I have to wonder, how much of their being stuck is related to stigma?
So dear readers, if you’re suffering too, I want you to know this. I didn’t just get here. I didn’t just sit down one day and decide to start writing about my problems. This has been years in the works. Years. I’m just tired of the depression cycle and I want to get off the ride. I need to make some serious changes in my life and I need my community to keep me accountable. Honestly, the only mental shift I made to move forward with this project was simple. I said EFF THE STIGMA, I NEED HELP. If that makes me brave, so be it. If you are struggling, I hope this message makes you brave too. EFF THE STIGMA. You deserve help too. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to your community if you need to. Hint: I’m a member of your community.
As always, wishing everyone a bright and beautiful day! Much love, many hugs, NAMASTE. <3
My Mental House – Plans & Goals for Healing from Depression
Goal — To Gain Clarity
Plan — Meditate for at least 10 minutes daily, eventually expanding on the amount of time a couple minutes per day, with 20 minutes of daily meditation being the target sit time.
More Plans — Go to bed and get up at the same time every day. Lights out by 10pm and wake up at 7am would be a good starting point for me. THIS HAS BEEN TOUGH – We have been falling asleep around 11-11:30pm. Too late! TONIGHT – I PLAN TO BE READING IN BED at 9PM. I have been up daily by no later than 7:30am since I started this healing plan. I’ll take it!
Goal — To Reduce and Prevent Insomnia
Plan – No electronic devices before meditation/yoga practice in the morning. No electronic devices for at least one hour before bedtime. It worked!!!
Plan – Read more books instead of staring at electronic devices, especially at night Read a bit last night!!!
Goal — To Relieve Depressed Mood, Anxiety Symptoms, and Relieve Pain
Plan — Move!!!! Yoga, Swim, Walk
Yoga — Attend at least 2 classes a week, practice most days of the week for a minimum of 15 minutes a day. Practice in the morning after waking. May precede meditation. Loving my new morning routine! Yoga, meditation, blog, quiet. It’s a good start to every day!
Swim — 10–20 laps 2–3x per week
Walk — Walk daily — sometime during the day. Just get out and walk.
More Plans — Medicate with cannabis as needed.
- 1-3 inhales from a vaporizer with a CBD-rich strain first thing in the morning if panic/anxiety/pain not relieved by self care bodywork is on board
- 2–3 inhales from a vaporizer with an indica-dominant strain by 7:30pm to reduce tension and promote sleep. – Work in progress, open to suggestions for sure!
Goal — To Nourish My Body To Heal Up From Depression, Anxiety, and Panic
And to keep things simple, I’ve invested in this book to help me get on a better track with nourishing my body. I eat relatively well, but I could certainly use more fresh foods and less convenient carbohydrates. My dear friend and I will be following this plan together.