Day Four: Fueling Up the Anxiety Tank With Insomnia

Insomnia is the fuel that powers the vehicle that Anxiety drives. And with enough of this fuel, Anxiety will drive me bonkers, which will drive me directly back to Depression. I have struggled with insomnia for most of my life. Sleep issues started when I was a teenager. When I was younger, if I didn’t feel sleep coming on, I would just stay up all night long, usually settling in for a good snooze for a few hours in the morning. I would get up, go about my day, and be able to function relatively well. I would go to work, run errands late into the evening, meetup with friends even later into the evening, and not have to worry about many negative impacts from lack of sleep. Perks of being a young person. These days, my thirty-something year old body and brain can’t handle even a few hours of missed sleep. I don’t bounce back, and I certainly don’t function well. So now prevention is key. The negative impacts add up to an overwhelming problem which I no longer have time for in my life.

So we had a very fun weekend, lots of playing with friends – parties, movies, yoga, swimming. And because of this fun, we were off our regular schedule. Which for this Momma trying to heal, even the lightest shifts in our schedule can throw me off. Little Toddler Girl was too busy having fun yesterday afternoon. So taking her nap at the usual time was not going to happen. She ended up napping later in the evening, which always sets us up for a later bedtime. Sure enough, we flipped and flopped in the bed past 11pm. Eventually my daughter slipped into a deep sleep. One last flop over to her side, and I could feel my Little’s muscles relax and off she went to Dreamland.

Me, not so much. I did medicate with 3 inhales from an indica-dominant strain at about 7:30pm. It helped me to quiet my body, but I laid in bed for a few more hours before I could feel sleep trickling in. I meditated and breathed deeply to quiet my mind, and to relax the muscle tension running along my spine. I was too tired to get up, but too awake to sleep. At about 2am, I used the bathroom and then headed back to the bed. I fell asleep sometime after that potty break until a few minutes passed 7am. I proceeded with a gentle yoga practice to release tension, followed by a short sit. My self-care this morning lasted about 20 minutes altogether. And after sitting here, writing today’s post, I realize how much self-care has played a role in relieving the stress and anxiety that typically accompanies a night without much sleep. I’m tired, but the day is new and fresh. Little Miss Toddler and me have a full day of playing, and fun, and probably more swimming ahead of us. Insomnia will not fuel up Anxiety’s tank today. Nope. Not today.

My Mental House – Plans & Goals for Healing from Depression

To keep me accountable, I will post my goals below on a daily basis so that I can review and amend my plans to achieve my goals as needed.

Goal — To Gain Clarity

Plan — Meditate for at least 10 minutes daily, eventually expanding on the amount of time a couple minutes per day, with 20 minutes of daily meditation being the target sit time.  

More Plans — Go to bed and get up at the same time every day. Lights out by 10pm and wake up at 7am would be a good starting point for me. 

Goal — To Reduce and Prevent Insomnia

Plan – No electronic devices before meditation/yoga practice in the morning. No electronic devices for at least one hour before bedtime.

Plan – Read more books instead of staring at electronic devices, especially at night 

Goal — To Relieve Depressed Mood, Anxiety Symptoms, and Relieve Pain

Plan — Move!!!! Yoga, Swim, Walk

Yoga — Attend at least 2 classes a week, practice most days of the week for a minimum of 15 minutes a day. Practice in the morning after waking. May precede meditation.

Swim — 10–20 laps 2–3x per week

Walk — Walk daily — sometime during the day. Just get out and walk.

More Plans — Medicate with cannabis as needed.

  • 1-3 inhales from a vaporizer with a CBD-rich strain first thing in the morning if panic/anxiety/pain not relieved by self care bodywork is on board
  • 2–3 inhales from a vaporizer with an indica-dominant strain by 7:30pm to reduce tension and promote sleep.

Goal — To Nourish My Body To Heal Up From Depression, Anxiety, and Panic

In the morning — Smoothie (I have a kefir, kombucha, Vega Protein Powder, and Amazing Grass Superfood smoothie every morning.)

And to keep things simple, I’ve invested in this book to help me get on a better track with nourishing my body. I eat relatively well, but I could certainly use more fresh foods and less convenient carbohydrates. My dear friend and I will be following this plan together. More on this when the book arrives and I start diving into the 28 day plan!


Thank you once again for reading dear friends! Wishing you a bright, beautiful, happy, and productive day! Much love! Namaste <3


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