This morning I commenced my first action steps toward pulling myself out of this hole that I’ve been in for too long. There is no more time for “how did I get here?” (Although this episode of depression is related to weaning my daughter from breastfeeding after over two solid years – more on this later.) There is no more time for “why me?” There is no more time for hopelessness. My life is blessed. My work is important. And I belong to this Universe. I am allowed to be here.
I went to bed last night at about 10pm. A little later than I needed to, but my toddler had a late nap yesterday afternoon and there we were, flipping and flopping around in the bed past 10pm. I think we were all sleeping around 10:30pm. I’ll take it. (For those of you following the Fratoni Family – The Home Game – We are a cosleeping, bedsharing family. Little Miss Toddler sleeps between her Daddy and myself. Wouldn’t have it any other way. There really is nothing sweeter than waking up next to your greatest loves everyday.)
I did medicate with cannabis last night – 3 inhales of an indica-dominant strain at about 7:30pm. The indica helps my muscles to relax, especially along my spine. And it was effective, but I realized that the anxious feeling that lurks ahead of an insomnia-heavy night was on board, so I decided to take a melatonin and some magnesium before bed also. I did get up once to use the potty sometime in the wee hours of the morning, but I slept well until 7am.
I woke up with a teensy bit of anxiety, but not enough to medicate with cannabis. Beats the hell out of waking up in panic mode. So I had a few sips of water and started my yoga practice. I practiced for about 20 minutes in a gentle way. And then I switched to my meditation for about 15 minutes. (I decided not to grab my phone and open the Headspace app – instead I just used a simple breathing technique that I’m familiar with. That technique is explained here. I’m happy to say that the anxiety is gone this morning. And I’m here writing on my blog without any difficulty. It’s a good fresh start! Baby steps. Certainly much better than yesterday which you can read about here if you wish.
Thank you for holding me accountable dear readers. If you are struggling with similar issues and need some guidance in getting yourself out of your own hole, please reach out! You are not alone. And if you’re not ready to reach out, you can review my action plan below and perhaps implement some of these plans into your own schedule. Wishing you light, love, and happiness on your journey!
Goal — To Gain Clarity
Plan — I know I need to meditate for at least 10 minutes daily, eventually expanding on the amount of time. I’m going to use the Headspace app to do this.
More Plans — Go to bed and get up at the same time every day. Lights out by 10pm and wake up at 7am would be a good starting point for me.
Goal — To Relieve Depressed Mood and Anxiety Symptoms
Plan — Move!!!! Yoga, Swim, Walk
- Yoga — Attend at least 2 classes a week, practice most days of the week for a minimum of 15 minutes a day. Practice in the morning after waking. May precede meditation.
- Swim —10–20 laps 2–3x per week
- Walk — Walk daily — sometime during the day. Just get out and walk.
More Plans – Medicate with cannabis as needed.
- One inhale from a vaporizer with a sativa-dominant or hybrid strain first thing in the morning if panic/anxiety is on board
- 2-3 inhales from a vaporizer with an indica-dominant strain by 7:30pm to reduce tension and promote sleep.
Goal — To Nourish My Body To Heal Up From Depression, Anxiety, and Panic
The rest of the day — I need to revamp my Nourishment Plan. Need more fresh foods in my diet. I’ve been in a convenience carbohydrate rut for a while.
Plan — Develop meal plan that will help my body stay well. I know, it’s a broad plan. More on this one later. But soon. Due date – Friday 7/21/17